Our fancies are not even close to what ‘Love’ really is

They say that Love is the force that keeps the world going. Love Thyself, Love is supreme… and more and more and more…. the thoughts on love are available in plethora. And plethora ensures that the meaning is lost. It indicates that there actually is no love. Isn’t it so? We wouldn’t be talking about it so much if even an iota of Love would be present in our lives.

What is Love? Few months back, The Sunday TOI had its headlines as “Love kills more than terrorism” along with all the supporting data. And it did not shock me. I clearly see that we only are responsible for it. Why?

Let’s explore and understand.

Look at our life. We do not live in this world. We live in our dream world, the utopian world, the virtual world (that just does not exist). Paying a little attention one can easily notice – in our talks and discussions there is so much of world issues, terrorism, politics and economy, rapes and child abuses, murders and others…And our great actions!!! …they are confined to the comforts and luxuries of ours and our small families. It seems that there is a lot of ego satisfaction in proving ones knowledge to others and so, that is enough, mission is accomplished. Why bother even in a small way to act appropriately and consider oneself a part of the world and nature? We are surely contented living in the world of division. My family on one side and rest other on the other side. ‘But you see, I am a loving person’ – that’s exactly what everyone claims. Loving??? Do we understand what Love is?


Love to us is an emotion concerned with other. This other could be a person or even an object. So from I love my parents to everyone in queue, it extends to I love my car, my dress, my mobile, the beautiful place I visited and what not. In short, we know love as a type of relationship existing between two. We say love is there when there is attachment and feeling of doing something for other. And that, in love, one miss the other, one wants good of the other, and togetherness exists and celebrating special days together happens, and one is bothered about the other and their conduct with the set of dos and don’ts, and we say that your smile makes me happy, and I long for you so much – If all such nonsense is present, we say that Love exists. Wow! how much about love we know. Where then is the scope of really knowing it. The cup is already so full. Obviously, in such Love- one can only fall (I have fallen in love).

Love is not an emotion nor is object specific. It has nothing to do, absolutely nothing to do with the other. Love is not selective. Nor does it asks for anything in return. It does not put forth any conditions. There are no rules, no specific days and times for feeling love. Love is neither attachment nor possessiveness.

Love is ones state of being. One’s flowering and the fragrance reaching out to others – not because others demand, or because one wants it for someone special (so called), but because the nature of fragrance is to reach out and make the surrounding beautiful. Love liberates. It doesn’t enslaves. Have you ever felt the other (person) being demanding always, showing conditions, counting gives and takes, counting all they have done and what you haven’t? Suffocating – isn’t it? So a revelation for you. Now you must know that there wasn’t any love. All that was there is business. Debits and credits. Bank balance of I did, you did.

Love comes from a sense of completeness. From incompletness, only ugly things like attachment and possessiveness breeds. All that happens is – When I feel that the other can complete me, I don’t want to let him/her go. And in the name of Love I become hooked up and feel miserable without the other. Now the stage has been overtaken by possessiveness and attachment. We don’t even realize that we get attached to anything if we stay with them for sufficiently long time and in close proximity. Attachment is the function of time and space. It has nothing to do with Love.

Just like a flower doesn’t chooses whom to share fragrance with, so does Love. One is never ‘in love’. One is rather ‘Loving’. It’s a verb, not a noun. That’s why Love is eternal.  If I am loving, I can’t be preferential, I would be loving towards every human being, animal, creatures, nature, environment, all encompassing. I won’t be able to kill animals for anything, neither my behavior be hostile towards environment. Nor will I be working for a salary per se waiting for the 30th of the month neither will I be studying for the sake of exams. There would be love in every act of mine, a tendency to care and nurture. It would show up in everything I relate to. And Loving doesn’t at all mean being ‘Good’ to others. Cutie pie. Sweety. Slapping can very well be an expression of love. Now, that’s difficult! Not acceptable. Behaviour is never important, which center is the behaviour arising from is important.

So you want to know if one ‘is Love’? Observe the relationship. The quality of relationship. Is it based out of give and take? Attachment?

Now you know, why to be ‘Love’ is so difficult, rather impossible for us. Looks to be something from another planet? Isn’t it? I bet so.


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